Harvey McSwann

[Abe Sapien]

Please fill out everything, age and RP included. Once everything is filled out then I will take a look over it.

[harveymcswann]

Yes sir

[Abe Sapien]

Abilities; Is that all he can do? What about the half shift you mentioned further down in the bio? What about the 5 shifts? Do you know what they are? You've got the classic physical shift but what about a non physical shift, this effects your character more internally and a mental shift. Astral shifting, dream shifting, spirit shifting? All these tie to the werewolf. Do some research on them, they're really quite fascinating but you're not forced to do any of these. If you just want to do the physical one, make sure to include the half bipedal shift. Does he just turn into the 'wolfman' or can he shift into a regular looking wolf?

Special skills; What about strength? Stamina? How fast is he? How much/far can he smell, include detail. Doe he heal fast? You brought this up under history but nothing else was said about it.

Weapons; What's with with the silver dagger? Is that when he's in human form? Why would he use something that would harm him? That's like a vampire running around with a wooden stake. What's with the pistol? The Bureau provides regulation handguns, a pistol seems a little outdated unless it's his and he wanted it for sentimental purposes.

Appearance; There's nothing about his wolf form. Does he change in height? What color is his fur, what kind of wolf attributes does he have in a half shift or full shift?

Clothing; Again what's with the silver? is he a danger to himself and everyone in the Bureau? Can he not control himself?

Personality; You gave me the runaround and only the thing you said about him was he gets angry a lot and can't control his temper. Sure there's the puppy side of him, but what does that mean? How can a person get to it? Is your character only defined by his temper or is there more to him?

Weaknesses; You got silver mentioned which is good but what about rye, wolfsbane and mistletoe?

History; How much research did you do on Lycanthropy? I'm guessing a vague looking through and a few monster movies. Did you know the contraction of "werewolfism" through a bite is really quite rare and more of a Hollywood take on it. Remember to do your research and base things on myth and legend rather the movies/games/etc. Now I'm not saying you can't do this but read up on lycanthropy, not werewolf and that will give you a huge vast of information to use at your disposal. I'm sure you'll come across the modern day generic biting theme as well.

So he became a wild child at the age of 8? There was no one to look after him? What about schooling and social interaction? Without someone to look over him at such a young age, he would become more beast then boy. Unlike the vampire, a werewolf can survive on regular food. Granted it's not the same as a fresh kill. So, did Harvey volunteer to join the Bureau, did they offer or was there some sort of truce? Were they even able to get through to him considering he's been on his own for a decade?

Your Age; Pick an age and stick with it, theres no reason to lie. I'm getting two different ages from you which makes the admin staff skeptical and wary of distrust.

[harveymcswann]

Corrected

[Abe Sapien]

Abilities; What do you mean he can "somewhat" communicate with canines? How does he do so? Verbally, physically, emotionally, psychically? Which one? Remember you can only have 3 abilities and you have at least 5 there. Whichever you choose, explain them to me. What do you mean by Aura shifting?

Special Skills; Healing should go under his abilities and explain how fast. Same as his increased senses which I should have addressed the first time, my apologies. It's not a special skill. Find something that he's good at that can be applied to the Bureau and even outside it.

Weapons; You say he can only turn on a full moon, what about assignments that don't fall under a full moon? What will he do then? What will he use?

Style; There's that "control" necklace again. There's little addressed about it, is it his, did the Bureau give it to him? Why? Yes to control but how and how much?

Personality; That first line is written a little awkwardly, I kinda get what you're saying but that needs to be fixed and written clearly. His DID, how strong is it? What about behavior therapy/therapist? Is medication all that's needed? How does it affect him? A mental disorder is a rather big thing for a field agent to have, considering the stress of the job coupled with interaction with the public while many may not be so understanding. DID is a rather huge mental disorder and I am extremely picky on mental disorders and that they be played right and not just thrown out there for the drama.

Fears; Delete the writing the admin staff put it, the "At least..." line.

History; The end of the first paragraph cuts off into nothing. You've got a lot of ellipses and comma use in the second and third paragraph that really don't need to be used. Reading out loud it sounds like someone with a asthma problem with every little dramatic pause. Just tell the history, throw in a dramatic flair if you so desire but keep the theatrics for the game. Spell check, there are several misspellings I spotted.

What was Harvey's source of money? Who would hire a young boy?

Your character's age isn't adding up. You say he was 10 when he went into hiding and that he spent 10 years in the small village. Then another two years "self teaching" himself. That would make him at least 22. I'm iffy on the self teaching part as well as it is very hard to do this.

What kind of monster did he fight in the park? What's bigger then a werewolf? Again with his age, if he was taken into the Bureau it would be at least years of training to help the boy shape his powers and be allowed to go out on field assignments.

Your age; Again I'm getting two different ones. This needs to be addressed off the board and you can PM why there's the difference if you're uncomfortable doing so in public.