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Post by lizsherman on May 14, 2009 15:51:11 GMT -7
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Abe Sapien
ADMINISTRATION
BPRD Director
The World Doesn't Disappear When You Close Your Eyes%\0\%
Posts: 896
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Post by Abe Sapien on May 14, 2009 21:44:36 GMT -7
Age & Birthday: You're missing Liz's age here.
Appearance: Very nice but you're just a tad short on meeting the minimum requirement. Just a couple more sentences needed. What about hair and eye color? Even though I know, not everyone may now it.
Detailed Power: I wouldn't mind seeing a bit more here. Can she use it offensively, defensively, is it just a few random fireballs from her hands or more and has her pregnancy affected it any way?
Strengths: I would actually like to see more here, perhaps one or two more things.
History: On the end of the first paragraph you write that Liz became a thief for ten years and then the next paragraph stated she entered the Bureau at the age of 11. Did she remain a thief during her time at the Bureau or until she entered the Bureau?
Overall this is a fantastic bio, there's just a few little things need to be to straighten out.
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Post by lizsherman on May 14, 2009 22:22:31 GMT -7
Okay, It's all fixed and thank you for the compliment about my bio, that was very nice of you!
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Evadne Taylor
ADMINISTRATION
Bureau Agent
"Please don't talk anymore, it's only going to upset me."
Posts: 289
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Post by Evadne Taylor on May 14, 2009 23:01:53 GMT -7
The only things that I see that need to be fixed are the following:
Her age: 25 just seems a tad young - she'd more realistically be in her early 30's. Maybe 31 or 32?
And in her History: I'd mainly just like to see you go through and break up the BIG blocks of paragraphs you have there. It makes it very hard to read.
And that's it.
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Post by lizsherman on May 14, 2009 23:39:59 GMT -7
it's fixed...
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Abe Sapien
ADMINISTRATION
BPRD Director
The World Doesn't Disappear When You Close Your Eyes%\0\%
Posts: 896
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Post by Abe Sapien on May 15, 2009 7:50:54 GMT -7
Fantastic, approved on my end.
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Evadne Taylor
ADMINISTRATION
Bureau Agent
"Please don't talk anymore, it's only going to upset me."
Posts: 289
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Post by Evadne Taylor on May 17, 2009 11:10:49 GMT -7
Approved!
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