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Mathis
Jul 14, 2009 4:16:50 GMT -7
Post by mathisfhang on Jul 14, 2009 4:16:50 GMT -7
i think ill pass on BPRD, thx
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Mathis
Jul 15, 2009 9:22:58 GMT -7
Post by mathisfhang on Jul 15, 2009 9:22:58 GMT -7
done. any issues; ill address em asap
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Abe Sapien
ADMINISTRATION
BPRD Director
The World Doesn't Disappear When You Close Your Eyes%\0\%
Posts: 896
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Mathis
Jul 15, 2009 13:25:51 GMT -7
Post by Abe Sapien on Jul 15, 2009 13:25:51 GMT -7
You didn't fill out the power section of your bio.
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Mathis
Jul 15, 2009 17:38:03 GMT -7
Post by mathisfhang on Jul 15, 2009 17:38:03 GMT -7
hm, teeny bit confused. powers means powers, so what does strengths mean? like personality-wise? but i thought i addressed those in the personality section? lol sorry!
edit: nvm i peeked at a few profiles lol.
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Mathis
Jul 15, 2009 17:51:12 GMT -7
Post by mathisfhang on Jul 15, 2009 17:51:12 GMT -7
Revision is completed....M-Master....[hobbles back to the belltower to dine on slugs]
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Abe Sapien
ADMINISTRATION
BPRD Director
The World Doesn't Disappear When You Close Your Eyes%\0\%
Posts: 896
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Mathis
Jul 16, 2009 12:41:31 GMT -7
Post by Abe Sapien on Jul 16, 2009 12:41:31 GMT -7
Name: Does he have a surname?
Appearance: The minimum is two paragraphs.
Power: The ability to shift into a wolf or lycanthropy would be a power. Thus you have to exchange one of your powers for this.
Detailed Powers: His strength is a too powerful for our game. I mean 4,000 lbs in human form? Not even our resident vampire can lift that much so that needs to be toned down.
Enhanced senses in a power and that will cover the mention of your characters sight, smell and what have you.
You’ve listed off far too many things here then what is encompassed by your three powers. If not apart of your three powers, it cannot be here.
Personality: The minimum is two paragraphs.
Skills: What kind of various styles of martial arts?
Strengths: I wouldn’t mind seeing more here.
History: I’m going to have to confer with my bio mod about this but for now, there are a few things that need to be changed.
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Frankie Guidicini
ADMINISTRATION
BPRD Co-Director
This one's heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention.%\1\%
Posts: 548
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Mathis
Jul 16, 2009 20:45:50 GMT -7
Post by Frankie Guidicini on Jul 16, 2009 20:45:50 GMT -7
Age: Since he was born in the sixth century AD, he's more like 2600 years old, not five thousand. Just some clarification.
Strengths: I am not sure what exactly his strengths are when you call him a teddy bear who tries to hide it.
Weaknesses: Physical: I think breaking his needed food down into calories rather than pounds would be more useful and functional here. I mean, I don't even think HB eats 700 lbs of food a day. That's an insane amount of food.
History: Is he Kushite or Egyptian? Kush and Egypt were separate entities, and Kush has the Blue and White Nile, not just the Nile in it. And in the sixth century BC, Kush moved it's capital further south, eventually going sub-Saharan actually. And as for a nomadic group, it would be more a group of pastoralists rather than farmers.
What happened to him? How did he die?
He has not been asleep for four thousand years. If you're a bit confused by BC (as I used to be), BC years count down to the year that Christ was born, for example after the year 585 BC, the next year would be 584, and so on until the birth of Christ, and then it starts with year one.
Add more folklore about the Original and who he was or is.
The four hundred years of his rampage would bring him into the 1900s - Again, check your dates/time line.
I think something that would alert the Bureau to his presence and indeed confirm his identity would be more persuasive to get the Bureau to try and track him down than an appearance at the Playboy mansion.
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